posted 07-27-2000 01:20 PM               

To me, bisexuality is a very sophisticated sexual preference-the ability to love and accept someone, both emotionally and sexually regardless of their gender, is sophisticated and complex concept. Many times, I get the impression that both heterosexuals and homosexuals feel that bisexuality is "walking the fence" or "undecided." To me, just the opposite is true. The acknowledgement that both genders have value to you on a very specific, intimate level takes courage and a deep sense strength; Knowing that both gay and straight people will be very critical of your choices has to be frightening.

My personal opinion? I love people based on a variety of factors that often do not include the size/shap/kind of sex organs the person posesses. When you're hot, you're hot!

posted 07-27-2000 01:26 PM              

When people discover my sexual bent they alter their behavior. Women will suddenly throw up barriers and perceive come ons in my every word. Men will be hawkish in their protection of their girlfriends. Single men will try to entice me to have sex with a woman for their viewing pleasure. It's a strange mixture of outcast and prostitute. I become subhuman yet these same people have openly gay/lesbian or hetero friends.

Another development I've discovered are the class of women who become bisexual after a few drinks. Invariably I get elected the litmus to their seductive, fleeting bisexuality. It is an absolute turn off.

The part that astounds me most is that I'd run into this behavior in San Francisco. It's the last setting I'd select for such close minded ridiculousness.

Bottom line, and it isn't news, who I have sex with isn't anything that anyone else should be concerned with. It does not define my worth as a human much less a woman.

------------------
~A piu tarde,

Domina di Notte

posted 07-27-2000 02:08 PM               

Early on in my twenties I had a secondary parnter who was male, and I recognized I was attracted to women, but hadn't met the right gal to have a sexual relationship with. I socialized with lesbians, but nothing happened. I don't blame the women I met for not wanting to be with me. Either:

1-They were not attracted to me. That's totally fair.
2-They were looking for a monogamous relationship not a polyamorous one. Regardless of orientation, a person who wants monogamy wants monogamy. That has nothing to do with one's sexual identity.
3-They didn't like the fact I was bisexual. A couple of lesbian acquaintances were clear that they were only interested in other lesbians, not bi-gals. I didn't have a coversation like Heather mentioned at the beginning of her editorial. In retrospect, I wish I had. I would like to know what was up. Was it based on stereotyping like in the movie "Go Fish"?

So, my relationships and encounters with women are with other bisexual women. For the most part they are part of the "swinging" community I am a part of. Unfortunately, it is taboo in most swinging circles that men be bisexual. It is a big double standard. Women can be with other women, but for men it is no way! My husband isn't bi, but if he had been it would have made swinging a trepidious thing. We would have been outcasts.

posted 07-30-2000 02:12 AM               

I was with my husband, Paul, and we both felt outsiders and were occasionally sneered at.

I feel that this is unfortunate and unnecessary. Life is too short.

posted 07-30-2000 09:28 AM            

I think I "got over" my amazement at an early age because of some very wonderful and frank discussions with an older sibling (bi) to whom I owe a great deal of thanks. One of the most terrifying rejections, however, is that of being rejected by *everyone*, not just heteros, gays, lesbians, and bis. As with many desperately reaching young adults, I yearn for companionship more than gender-biased debates in which the virtues of one "orientation" is touted over another. Virtually all of my friends (with the exception of one very wonderful friend whom I've only had the pleasure of getting to know this summer) can't understand why or how a person would even wish to try and understand the orientation debate. It is quite unfortunate that my friends have elected to close themselves off from a myriad of mentalities based on companionship ideals (since I don't believe orientation is based on gender). Some gays/lesbians are even more militant than heteros-- for whatever reason is beyond me. Some of the most fulfilling relationships I've been in have been with bis (who I shall generalize into being the most "open").

posted 07-30-2000 11:21 PM            

It annoys me immensely that there's so much bias against bisexuals in the gay community - I suppose I feel that people who've suffered so much hatred, misunderstanding and discrimination are the last people who should be then acting that way towards others. I've actually seen a lesbian woman write, on a women's forum, that bisexual women are just "players" who are unable to commit to anyone. I think that's absurd. Being bisexual simply means you feel sexually attracted to people of either sex - and that you are sexually attracted to the PERSON, without their gender getting in the way.

posted 08-23-2000 09:10 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kerridwyn:
Personally I suspect that bisexuality is the most "normal" or "natural" sexuality, and that *most* people would be at least somewhat bisexual if they could get beyond their prejudices.

---

I would be extremely wary of making statements about what sexualities might be the most (or least) "normal" or "natural."

posted 11-10-2000 02:28 PM            

1. The identity crisis. Homosexuals are part of a persecuted minority. They may expect violence and loss of friendships if their preference becomes known. They often begin not wanting to be gay, wanting to fit in, particularly in adolescence. In essence, this school argues that having come so far in trying to define their own sexuality as gay, the see bisexuality as some kind of fence sitting.

In an extreme form, because homosexuals are a target of discrimination, many choose to socialize predominately with other gays. In essence, the Lesbians become 'your' group. This is a manichean world view because if you're not 'with' the in group, you must be against. Misogyny and misandry within those groups simply reinforce this view, where bis are traitors.

2. Role definitions. One aspect of gender is that it plays a major role in how you classify and deal with other people. Sexuality may be wonderful, but it does complicate relationships. Particularly the expectations you have of relationships. As a straight man, for me other guys are safe and our mentions of sexuality are entirely teasing, except among very close friends where advice is given, emotional burdens shared. A person who is bisexual can't be neatly categorized, and so is simply more stressful to deal with. Are they a potential partner, or aren't they? People in this post simply aren't sure where they stand, and act with prejuidice.

I do not claim that these factors will apply for all people, or might be in combination with other, unnamed factors. I used to be a social scientist, and the one true thing about people is that for individuals, anything is possible. This is an attempt to brainstorm an idea.

posted 11-10-2000 06:21 PM               

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lori S:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Kerridwyn:
[b]Personally I suspect that bisexuality is the most "normal" or "natural" sexuality, and that *most* people would be at least somewhat bisexual if they could get beyond their prejudices.

---

I would be extremely wary of making statements about what sexualities might be the most (or least) "normal" or "natural."[/B][/QUOTE]

I would be wary of conflating "normal" and "natural." "Normal" means "adhering to a statistical norm" while "natural" means "of nature, appearing in nature."

Neither should have implications of right/wrong, healthy/unhealthy though, unfortunately, they do. Still, that's no reason to continue to dilute the power of language.

According to the Kinsey reports (which have their own bias, but that's a different topic), bisexuality is the most normal orientation since as much as 50% of the population (according to Kinsey) is bisexual.

As for which orientation is most natural? Well, I'm fond of saying, "if it were an unnatural act it would be physically impossible to perform it." By that reasoning, all orientations are natural.

Love,
Magda

posted 11-10-2000 06:35 PM               

quote:

---

Originally posted by MizScarlet:
Have you encountered exclusion from heterosexual or gay and lesbian communities by virtue of being bisexual?

---

I've been on the fringe of the queer community since I cam out as bi. I was an open lesbian for years and it was tough to come out of that second closet because I was afraid I would lose the community I had struggled to become a part of (in Louisville Kentucky, where I grew up, it wasn't easy to get accepted in the lesbian community in the 80s. It took a long time of "always being there" at public events and bars before I started to get invited to private parties and such).

Well, my fears turned out to be well-founded. I faced a lot of anger from people who didn't understand, who said I was misrepresenting myself all those years that I lived in the closet, who said I couldn't handle the pressure of being gay and wanted to have my cake and be socially accepted, too.

One of the worst experiences was the day I sat on the "Gay 101" panel at my university. We were there to speak and answer questions and generally help the public understand our lives and needs and opinions.

On the panel, there were a gay white man who worked as a high school teacher, a white woman who had been a man before her surgery, a black lesbian poet and me, a white female bisexual and college student.

The panel was chaired by a nun who worked in the University ecumenical center and served as a staff liaison for the Gay/Lesbian students. She had a microphone to announce us and we all just spoke loudly, projecting our voices into the room.

Everything went well for all the other presenters, but when it came my turn, the second row of the audience was nearly entirely filled with a group of women who all started chanting "CONFUSED! CONFUSED! CONFUSED!" at the top of their lungs so that no one could hear anything I had to say.

The moderator did not bring me the microphone. No one asked the women to be quiet or to leave. If it happened to me today, I think I would have gotten up and left to write a letter to the University newspaper and possible to city newspaper about the event and my reception.

As it was, I tried to shout over them but there was no way my voice could be heard over a chanting group so I shut up. They shut up too, until the question-and-answer period. They'd let anyone else on the panel answer their questions, but if I were asked a question, they started chanting, "CONFUSED! CONFUSED! CONFUSED!" again.

It was actually more than a bit frightening to see the anger on their reddened faces. I half expected them to be waiting to beat me up when I left, like the gang of girls who used to beat me up in middle school for being a lesbian. Fortunately, they weren't waiting for me.

But I can't begin to describe how helpless I felt and how silenced I was.

Love,
Magda

posted 06-08-2002 10:21 PM               

As a bisexual girl (not yet a woman, I don't think), I haven't really had too much to deal with. Certainly nothing as traumatic as what Magdalene went through. That's irritating.

My straight friends are down with it, they think it's cool that I can 'get the best of both worlds.' I haven't encountered any guys wanting me to have sex with a woman for their viewing pleasure. I did hear one derogatory joke and told the guy off really badly.

I've experienced homophobia like the kind that lesbians experience, when I was seen with my girlfriend. People would say things or throw things, 'cause I go to a very non-diverse high school. However, when I engaged in a bit of public sexual activity (blush) with my friend Matt, one girl was annoyed because she thought I was a 'lesbian' after seeing my with my girlfriend months ago.