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Vaginal fisting, the insertion of an entire hand (or fist) into the vagina during sex, is no myth. It's a form of penetration that people have probably been doing, and enjoying, since we've had vaginas and hands to put in them. It's not impossible, it shouldn't be painful (if it is you're not doing it right), and it's really not that difficult to manage on most women, whether they've ever given birth or not. Truth is, the name "fisting" is a little bit of a misnomer. Because of the name, many people assume that what happens is that the inserting partner makes a fist, lubes it up, and shoves it right on inside. Sometimes people think that it's like punching your way into a woman's pussy. Wrong, wrong, wrong! That would definitely hurt... and furthermore, it's pretty damned far removed from what is actually involved in fisting someone. Fisting is not about forcing your way in! The process of getting your hand into someone's pussy is actually rather gradual one. It's called "fisting" not because you insert your entire fist at once, but because your hand sort of naturally closes in on itself (forming a loose fist) when it's inside the rather limited space of the vagina. It's also because the motion and sensation of that lovely closed hand inside your partner's pussy is the object of getting it in there in the first place. So· how do you get your hand into a woman's cunt, anyway? Aesop's Fables provides 66% of the answer: slow and steady. The other 33% of the answer is lube and communication. Often, women and their partners find their way to fisting through fingerfucking. One day three fingers just don't cut it, and four fingers still aren't enough. Sometimes you're just hungrier than usual to be fucked. If four fingers aren't quite doing the trick, a creative partner might end up making a sort of "duck bill" with their hand, tucking their thumb in with their fingers to add that to the mix. Generally, the next thing they know, they're in up to their knuckles. At that point, the question is usually whether or not to keep going. Sometimes that extra little bit will be just what the doctor orders, and sometimes, the woman in question is still happily writhing around, asking politely (if a bit urgently) for more. With your hand in a cone-like shape, your knuckles at the entrance to her very aroused, ready, and well-lubed pussy, all it takes is usually a gentle push in, perhaps along with a slight twist of the wrist· and with a really astonishing "swallowing" sort of sensation, you're in up to your wrist. Usually, your fingers will curl in on themselves of their own accord (room is limited in there, it's not as though you're in the Holland Tunnel), forming a loose fist. If your thumb isn't already inside your fingers, tuck it in. For first-timers, it can be a shock (amusing or just startling) to realize that they have a lover's entire fist inside them. The procedure for getting inside isn't much different for most women, whether or not they've ever been fisted before. During the penetration process, it's good to keep paying some attention to whatever other hot parts of her body your lover likes to have touched (clit, nipples, thighs, whatever -- a lot of women I know love having their clits licked and sucked while they're being penetrated), talking to her and telling her how hot she is, whatever works for the two of you. With patience, attention, communication, and sufficient arousal and desire on the part of the fistee to be penetrated, you'll figure out exactly how and when to push and perhaps twist just a bit and slide in to home. Once you're inside, you can experiment to see what she likes to have you do. Lots of women like a rocking, gentle, side-to-side motion so that the knuckles bump over the g-spot. Some women like a twisting motion. Some like gentle in-out fucking motions, some like it harder. For some women, it's the sensation of having their vagina opened and stretched somewhat that does it for them, and for them, a sort of half-in-half-out fucking or twisting of the hand is just the ticket. There are a lot of possibilities, including just keeping your hand still but wriggling your fingers, which sounds like very little but can feel like a hell of a lot. The best bet is to experiment, starting with small motions and seeing what gets the best reaction. If your partner asks for it, there's no real reason to avoid hard fucking unless your partner is pregnant or trying to conceive or if it ends up causing pain or damage that is evinced by bleeding after the fact. Remember that some people's threshold of pain goes way up when they're aroused, and if you happen to know that your partner is one of those people, be a little careful. Generally speaking, it's okay to bump the cervix (some people love the sensation), but slamming it too hard can do damage. While you're in there, it behooves you to remember that even though it is an amazingly heady sensation to have your hand inside a woman's pussy (talk about a contact high!), there are many other luscious bits to touch, caress, and titillate while you're fisting your lover. Licking or touching her clit, her nipples, or other places is a great idea. Some women also really love using a vibrator on their clits while they're being fisted, or having their lover use one on them. It's a mix-and-match sort of thing, and the improv is part of the fun. Before you go running off trying to put this into practice, though, let me say a few words about some topics near and dear to any fister or fistee's heart: lubrication, hand care and maintenance, and troubleshooting. Lubrication is a good thing no matter what kind of sex you're having. Extra lube, and plenty of it, is basically a must if you're going to be doing a lot of heavy friction or penetrating anything with something large, like, oh, say, your entire hand. Find a lube you like and use as much as you need, if not more. Occasionally you'll run into someone who can sometimes be fisted on nothing more than her own lubrication, but that's not too common. Even with women who lubricate a lot on their own, lube can really help make a fisting session go much better. Any water-based lube is fine, but many people prefer thicker formulations for fisting, like Probe or Maximus. Put down a towel as a dropcloth, and get slippery! The condition of the fister's hands is another issue you should be aware of. While surgical gloves are recommended - for safer sex reasons, as well as just because they make a nice slick smooth surface that lubes up well -- you still need to make sure your hands are presentable for deep-sea diving even though you'll be diving with a wetsuit. Fingernails should be nice and short (shorter than the ends of your fingertips at least) and filed as round and smooth as the enterprising noggin of Cap'n Jean-Luc Picard. Some folks say that you can do fisting without compromising your manicure if you stuff some cotton balls into the tips of your glove fingertips, but frankly, I'm not convinced -- experiment as you like, but don't come crying to me if it doesn't work. As a femme, I have always had my lovers take it as a very high compliment when I agree to cut my nails for them. Other hand issues are rings -- which should come off unless they are very low-profile and completely smooth, like a plain gold wedding band -- and the various calluses, cuts, and abrasions we tend to get on our hands. If you have rough calluses, cuts, or abrasions, just use a surgical glove. You should be, anyhow, for safer sex reasons, but even if you're with a fluid-bonded partner, grab a glove if there's anything that could scrape the tender insides of your partner's pussy. If you're interested in trying fisting, whether on the giving end or the receiving end, remember that while every woman's vagina comes with the built-in capability of giving birth to a baby (and babies are a lot bigger than fists), not every woman can be fisted comfortably. Pussies, like dicks, come in a range of potential sizes, and the degree of how much stretching or expansion is physically comfortable (let alone pleasurable) for any given woman is a very individual and personal thing. That said, there's no way to tell whether or not a given woman will be able to be fisted, or will enjoy being fisted, just by looking at her or by having other types of sex with her. Just as the overall size of a man is not a reliable indicator of his penis size, the overall size of a woman is no gauge of her vaginal capacity. Petite women are just as likely as bigger women to be able to be fisted comfortably and pleasurably. Likewise, having had a baby doesn't necessarily mean that a woman's body (or psyche) is better prepared for fisting. At most, all that having a baby will do for a woman's ability to be fisted is to convince her that yes, it is indeed possible for something larger than two fingers or your average penis to fit in there. However, there are a hell of a lot of women who've never had babies who do enjoy being fisted... and plenty of women who have had babies who don't, or who can't physically manage it without discomfort. Hand size is actually a more relevant concern. Like pussies and dicks, not all hands are created equal, and a woman who is able to be fisted to delirious moans of joy by someone with a small, slim hand might simply be unable to accommodate someone who has a big, thick, heavy-boned paw. Some men, particularly, find that their hands are just too big for comfort (but hey, what man hasn't wanted to hear "no, no, you're just too big!" at some point in his life?)... although there are some women for whom even a very large hand is a possibility. Double-fisting, and even triple-fisting (with a helpful accomplice) are not entirely unheard of, but based on personal experience and the opinions of friends in the know, I tend to think that just as fisting itself tends to be a minority preference among women who like penetration, such more extreme degrees of dilation and penetration are a minority preference among women who like fisting. Doubtless, this whole article has some of you just sitting there saying "ow," and that brings up a really important point: fisting is not supposed to hurt. If it hurts, you're doing it wrong, going too fast, not using enough lube, trying to fist someone whose body isn't ready or able to be fisted, or some combination of the above. About the most discomfort the fistee should feel when being fisted is a little bit of a stretchy sensation that some people find pleasant and other people find very mildly painful, kind of the same sort of sensation you feel when you're stretching out and you find a muscle that is slightly tense. In general, if it hurts, STOP. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Pain is your body's way of telling you that you're causing damage. Stop before you rip soft tissue and cause problems. Lube will help to make things slippery, and will also help to make tissues a little more flexible, but there is a limit to everything, and that includes pussies! The answer to "ow that hurts" is first to slow down or even stop what you're doing. Assess the situation, ask her how she's doing, how it feels if you just hold still, if she needs you to come out, or what she'd like you to do. If she says it's okay, try going slower and making sure she's very very aroused and eager for more penetration as you go. More lube doesn't hurt either - you really can't have too much. If your partner is lubed, aroused, wanting more penetration, and it still hurts her when you try to penetrate her more or with more of your hand, make sure you're not pushing against her urethra. It's easy to mash the urethra between your hand (especially your knuckles) and her pubic bone, and it can really hurt a lot. Pressing toward the perineum (toward her butt) may help. Sometimes, though, the answer to "ow, that hurts" is to just stop, period. Discretion is the better part of valor. It may work better another time, or it may not ever work out for a successful (and that is to say, pleasurable and orgasmic) fisting experience. And you know, that's really quite okay. Fisting isn't for everyone, and there are plenty of other ways to have amazing sex. It's not a competition, and you aren't any less of a woman if you can't be fisted or just don't really want to be. There are a couple of other times when fisting may lead to pain, either for the fister or the fistee. Every once in a while, particularly when a woman is being fisted on her hands and knees, the insertive partner may possibly accidentally hit, tap, or bump an ovary through the vaginal wall. Gynecologists do palpate the ovaries during pelvic exams, but they take care to do it very gently with the fingertips. During fisting, it's more likely to be a relatively abrupt bump. This, friends and neighbors, hurts like a ripe flying bastard. Ovaries, for those who don't own any, are at least as sensitive to impact as men's testicles. Perhaps more. Men's testicles, unlike ovaries, are used to dangling around and being touched and smooshed and manipulated to some degree. Still, kick a guy in the crotch and watch what happens... and then remember that ovaries are not even used to being touched. If you end up tapping someone's ovary, an occasion usually marked by sudden yelps and gasps of pain in an otherwise very nice fisting session, the thing to do is to not panic, to pull your hand back so that it is not pressed against the cervix, and too ask your partner if she's okay. Do not yank your hand out abruptly. People often involuntarily clench their pelvic muscles when they are in pain, and forcing your hand out of her when she is clenching can cause damage just as easily as forcing your way in when she isn't ready. Ask her if she's okay, and then ask her if she wants you to come out. If so, remove your hand gently and only as quickly as is compatible with not seeming to pull against any significant resistance. Give her some time to relax and just be warm and safe. It can take the wind out of your sails to have that kind of pain to contend with in the middle of a sexual situation. Don't expect to be able to jump right back into sex. The other time when fisting can sometimes become painful is at orgasm. Vaginal muscle contractions at orgasm can sometimes cause pain for the woman being fisted, because her muscles "spasm shut" on her partner's fist. Or those contractions can become painful for her partner -- having your knuckles mashed together by a fiercely coming pussy can be pretty awesome and hot, but if you don't relax your hand enough, it can sometimes hurt your hand, too. The thing to do in either case is to relax your hand as much as possible, just letting your arm go limp. It helps significantly. Sometimes when a woman orgasms, the muscular contractions will push her partner's fist right out of her, thus making the issue of getting your hand back *out* of her cunt rather academic. In general, though, you need to know how to get out just as much as you need to know how to get in. Basically, you reverse the process you used to get your hand in there in the first place. Pull back until your knuckles are just at the opening of her cunt, then gently unfurl your fingers into that "duckbill" shape. From there, the taper of your fingers ought to make things pretty easy. Occasionally you will find that there's a bit of suction in that pussy you've been fucking and it's difficult to get your hand out. Just slip the pinkie of your other hand in there alongside your thumb, and break the seal, and you're free at last. Do keep in mind that for many women, being fisted is a very extreme experience that requires a lot of trust and vulnerability. Despite the fact that for a lot of women, being fisted is also a one-way route to amazingly intense orgasms, it can also leave people feeling completely physically and emotionally drained. Sometimes people come so hard that it's overwhelming and they end up crying from the release. Be ready to ask for or provide a warm blanket, a warm and loving pair of arms, and a nice long cuddle while you both get grounded again. Sometimes people wonder if fisting won't "stretch out" the vagina, or make it impossible for a woman to enjoy being penetrated by something as relatively much smaller as a penis or an average dildo after she's been fisted. Neither is true. The vagina is a very stretchy muscular organ whose basic characteristic is that it is a potential space -- it is only as wide as whatever you put inside it. The vaginal walls are pretty resilient. Things tend to "snap back into shape" within a very short time after the vagina is penetrated, even if it's being stretched in the process. If there's any concern about a loss of resilience in vaginal muscles, you can do Kegel exercises, squeezing the vaginal and pelvic floor muscles, a sort of pussy calisthenics. Doing Kegels is also a great way to enhance your awareneness of your vagina, which can make any kind of penetration more pleasurable. So the next time someone offers to lend you a hand· well, why not! Want to ask the Fat Broad a question? Email her. |
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12.07.06: Scarlet Letters -- in case it isn't glaringly obvious -- is currently
on an extended hiatus. The web has changed, we've changed, and
we're trying to figure out how we both fit together now, which isn't a process we want to rush. If you're looking for more current SL-related content, you can
have check out upcoming books from editor Heather Corinna and previous co-editor Hanne Blank, check out Heather's current sexuality sites, or explore sites through the femmerotic network. We hope to be back with you soon, as fresh, challenging and
unexpected as ever.
In the meantime, by all means, enjoy our years of past content,
all of which still remain in the public and subscription areas.
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