Scarlet Letters: This Far Inside

<body background="graphics/background.gif" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" text="#000000" link="#990000" vlink="#666666" alink="#FFFFFF"> <p><table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="724"> <tr> <td width="488"><font face="Georgia" size="2"><table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="2" width="468"> <tr> <td align="LEFT" width="1" rowspan="5" valign="BOTTOM"><font face="Georgia" size="2" color="#CCCCCC">..</font></td> <td align="CENTER" valign="MIDDLE"><table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="440"> <tr> <td align="CENTER" valign="TOP"><b><font face="Georgia" size="5"><img src="graphics/onthedottedline.gif"></font></b></td> </tr> <tr> <td align="LEFT"><b><font face="Georgia">Colors</font></b></td> </tr> <tr> <td align="RIGHT"><b><font face="Georgia"><a href="bios_m2z.shtml#Renault" title="click for author info">C.E. Staples</a></font></b></td> </tr> <tr> <td align="CENTER"><b><font face="Georgia" size="5"><img src="graphics/onthedottedline.gif"></font></b></td> </tr> </table> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="LEFT" valign="TOP"> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">We sat in a café pretending to have a good time. The girl walked by wearing a red satin dress that just barely managed to cover her relevant parts.  My soon-to-be ex watched her strut all the way down the boulevard. I could tell he had a hard-on.  Then he looked at me and went soft. </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">It's not that I was prim and proper or unattractive.  Other men seemed to appreciate my diminutive form and I think he did before he saw that girl in the red satin dress.  Afterwards, when we were having sex, he'd look at me, like he found me lacking.  He said I was paranoid when I asked him about it.  But on our last Valentine's Day, he bought me a piece of clothing that was more Frederick's of Hollywood than Victoria's Secret.  The spandex material fit my curves like it was painted on. He couldn't keep his hands off me.  It was the best and last sex we ever had.  It took me six months to pull the dress from the bottom of my closet.  I got gussied up and I went back to the boulevard where one fantasy had ended, hoping a new one might begin. </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">The club was called Morpheus and it was the hottest spot on the boulevard.  Everyone wore black.  I knew that.  But I wasn't there to blend in with the crowd.  A couple of guys walked over and bought me drinks.  They devoured me with their bloodshot eyes.  I felt flattered and disgusted at the same time. Eventually they wandered away and left me in my corner.  Then I saw a hand. </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">I reached for it not caring who he was.  He swung me onto the dance floor.  The song was lush, rhythmic; the dance floor packed.  We could do little more than grind against one another.  He smelled like Old Spice, a ridiculously comforting scent.  I buried my head against his chest.  When his arm tightened around my waist and he crooned,  "Shhh," something twisted in my chest.  I looked up. </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">Even in the dim lights, he shone.  At first I thought it makeup, the sparkly glittery stuff.  His long gold hair was pulled back.  Hazel eyes, more gold than any other color, lit a perfect face.  His beauty was startling. </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">"My name is Paul," he said.  Of course, he had a voice to match.  Deep and resonant.  My friend Susan called it a "fuck me" voice which of course made me suddenly wonder what he might do in that situation. </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">"And you are?" </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">I jumped.  "Uh, Delia." </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">He didn't say, oh, that's a beautiful name or nice to meet you.  He just stared at me with luminous eyes.  Two of the three F's I'd learned in Psych 101 sprang to mind.  He started moving us toward the bar.  I gave into flight. </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">"Sorry, I'm not interested," I said. </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">"Not interested?"  He raised a sculpted eyebrow. "Your body tells a different story." </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">I blushed.  Lingerie was a challenge with this dress. My breasts were bare beneath the bodice.  I didn't have to look down to know my nipples were hard points pressing into his chest.  They ached and all we had done was dance.  I hadn't been touched in so long.  I got scared. </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">"Let me go," I pleaded. </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">The song ended.  His arm loosened. He released me and walked away without a backward glance.  Leaving me bereft of his warmth.  I glanced around.  I wasn't the only one watching him, but I was the only one who followed him to his table. </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">I sat down and picked up his drink.  A single sip of the straight gin brought tears to my eyes. He grinned. </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">"Allow me."  He retrieved his glass.  "Why did you come tonight?" </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">I shrugged.  "To have a good time." </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">He tapped his finger along the glass rim.  "I don't think you're succeeding." </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">I started to reach for his drink again, then stopped myself.  "You don't know anything about me." </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">"So tell me what I need to know." </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">For the past year, I've wasted my life with a loser.  That's what I wanted to say.  But I couldn't. </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">"I see," he said after a while.  He picked up his glass.  His lips brushed the rim, but he did not drink.  "No, actually, I don't see, but . I'm glad you're here.  I was afraid you wouldn't follow me." </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">I felt a fire in my belly and it had nothing to do with the gin.  He started to say something more, but stopped.  He didn't need to continue.  Beneath the spicy notes of his cologne, I smelled him.  And I felt him.  He radiated heat.  How hot could he make me, I wondered. There was nothing to stop me from finding out. </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">I reached out.  He took my hand. </font></td> </tr> <tr> <td align="CENTER" valign="TOP"><b><font face="Georgia" size="5"><img src="graphics/onthedottedline.gif"></font></b></td> </tr> <tr> <td align="LEFT" valign="TOP"> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">The first time he blushed that night was when he pulled out his cell phone to call his driver.  In the backseat of the limousine, he held me, but never so tight I couldn't flee.  When were stuck in traffic a few blocks from his apartment, he nibbled my ear and begged, "Touch me." </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">After stealing a glance at the back of the driver's head, I slipped my hand under his shirt.  His skin was smooth and his muscles rippled beneath my fingers.  He hid his face in my hair as I stroked him.  By the time we reached his apartment building, he was moaning against my mouth. </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">In the elevator to his apartment, he took control.  He tipped me over his arm and slipped the bodice of my dress down.  His mouth captured a nipple.  It seemed an eternity before we reached his floor.  He never bothered to straighten my clothes once we arrived at his floor.  Before we reached his door, he tasted the other breast.  By the time we entered his apartment, we were both panting. </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">We went straight to the bedroom.  He pulled the red dress over my head and pushed me onto the bed.  He balled the scrap of fabric in his hands.  "You were like a hummingbird," he said.  Then he tossed it into a dark corner. </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">Words eluded me.  My tongue didn't want to form words.  It wanted to taste his mouth, to lap at his nipples. I watched, heart pounding in my throat, as he undressed.  He was dark gold all over.  I glanced away as he sat beside me. </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">"Are you afraid?" he asked, a bit breathlessly.  I shook my head. I wasn't afraid, just in awe.  A few strands of hair fell across his left eye. He noticed where my eyes strayed. </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">"Ah," he murmured and reached back.  A curtain of gold fell around us.  My eyes fell on his mouth. He smiled and brushed his lips against mine.  Then he pulled away.  I groaned. I grabbed a handful of his hair. I pulled his head back down and kissed him hard.  His body was an terribly warm.  I was melting beneath him. </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">After I released him, he stared at mer.  "You're feisty, aren't you? Maybe I should rip that little red dress to shreds and tie you up." </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">He was kidding.  I knew that but there must have been a look on my face, because his eyes widened.  Then he licked his lips.  "Don't move.  I'll be right back." </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">He wasn't quite as graceful scrambling across the bed and rummaging in dark corners.  I closed my eyes and listened to the sound of fabric tearing.  I was afraid I might see the ex and his fantasy lover.  Instead, all I could think about was the sight of Paul's muscles tensing as he tore the fabric.  My eyes snapped open. </font></p> <p><font face="Georgia" size="2">In the end, we didn't need the dress.</font></td> </tr> <tr> <td align="CENTER" valign="TOP"><b><font face="Georgia" size="5"><img src="graphics/onthedottedline.gif"></font></b></td> </tr> </table> </font></td> <td align="CENTER" valign="TOP" width="226">  </td> </tr> <tr> <td width="488"><font face="Georgia" size="2"><table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="2" width="474"> <tr> <td align="LEFT" width="8"><font face="Georgia" size="2" color="#CCCCCC">..</font></td> <td align="CENTER">  </td> </tr> </table> </font></td> <td align="CENTER" width="226"></td> </tr> </table> </p> </body>