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I'm of the mind that everyone needs a strap-on (or twelve). Everyone: male, female, bio and transgender, straight, queer, college ravers and retirement home denizens. Everyone. I'm of the mind that if everyone had one, we'd experience, in fairly short order, a mini-sexual revolution. All from a little bit of silicone and a harness. At least once a day, I open my email and find an offer that I can get, with relative ease and minimal pain, often for the low, low price of 19.95, a pump or a spray or a special exercise that will give me a bigger penis, a better penis, or "the penis she really wants." But with a basket full of the little (and not-so-little) guys in my toy chest, I'm pretty sure I've already got it, and if I don't, I can buy it in one fell swoop, to perfect specifications, without altering a single thing on my, or anyone else's, delicate anatomy. I've been informed that this POV may make men, especially straight men, a little itchy. But I don't see why, really, because I think they should have one, too. No more anxiety about getting it up or keeping it up, boys. No more size worries, my XY and XXY friends. No more Viagra. Now, I'm not suggesting men be done with their own appendages. Instead, I'm suggesting they keep some variation on hand for when they or a partner want it. Heck, just like I do with my silicone friends, they can alternate which ones they're using. Their partner wants to know what intercourse might be like with a bigger, smaller, thinner or thicker penis? One with a different curve? No sweat! They can also pass these puppies on to their hetero girlfriends, and their prostates will thank them mightily. Moreover, the first time I strapped it on and fucked a male partner, something akin to the Northern Lights happened in my head. I got it! I mean, I'd fucked with my hands before, with and sans toys, and I'd ground my pelvis into someone else's before a million times over. But there's something different that goes on when you've got a dick. I don't expect strapping it on is exactly akin to having one that's attached 24/7, but at the very least you can really get the emotional headspace and the physical feeling of being the fuck-er, rather than the fuck-ee. We can talk egalitarian models of sex, about how intercourse of any variety is ultimately a tantric balance of give-and-take and there really aren't "ers" and "ees," but while I'd agree on some level, and can certainly appreciate that approach, there are "ers" and ‘ees." Come on. And when you're the one wielding the appendage, it's a very different space than when you're not. So imagine, if you will, if all women knew what it was like -- as best they could -- to fuck, and all men --- as best they could -- knew what it was like to be receptively fucked. Imagine, if you will, if more men had to learn to communicate from the perspective of the fuckee: about what's too slow and what's too fast for their comfort, about having enough lubricant, and have sex without care or concern for whether they're erect or not. Imagine if more women had to learn to communicate from the other side of the spectrum: to ask their partner if they're being too rough, about what position is right for them, to be aware and take care of their delicate orifices, and be in charge of those things, while wielding the power and prowess of her own cock. Imagine if women could ask men about dicks with the men knowing it was absolutely, incontrovertibly not personal. Imagine if conversations about intercourse weren't just about who was or wasn't on top, but about who was wielding the dick that day, and who wanted to take it. Imagine a woman saying she wanted to fuck you like rolling thunder,; a man saying he wanted to take everything you could dish out. Meow! Take all that a step father and visualize what all that varied, and in many cases, role-reversed, communication might accomplish on a grander scale, in the bedroom and out. (It might be best to try not to imagine women on the subway feeling up their packages ickily, or telling men in bars they've got nine inches for them waiting at home. Then again, being able to picture that might wean a few men off that ridiculous trip. So. It is awfully fun, however, to imagine a circle jerk of women with strap-ons. I probably do that far more often than I should. I probably should keep some of these things to myself.) Times have truly changed for a lot of dykes when it comes to strap-on sex. None too long ago, you'd meet more than your fair share of gals who were seriously toy or dick-phobic, and a good few who were downright disgusted by the whole idea. And bless whatever miraculous convergence has occurred to seemingly minimize that tremendously, because in my book, there's little that's hotter and more delicious than strapping it on with another dyke. Giving head to silicone not only takes on an entirely different dimension than sucking off the real deal, it brings some of the power issues inherent in such to light in a totally non-loaded way. To boot, strapping it on is a real sexual icebreaker. Unless you're packing to begin with, I think we can all agree that more times than not, there's an element of vague hilarity with all the adjusting of straps and buckles amid the sexy anticipation, and as far as I'm concerned, there's little better than good-natured laughter in the bedroom. Can gay men use faux phalluses? Hell, yes. Again, I'm telling you: no worries about erections, no worries about size, and once more, no Viagra. And hey, for folks who seriously eroticize dicks, how can two (or twelve) NOT be better than one? Even better, so long as you're covering your dildos with a condom or using silicone so you can boil them, it's beautifully safe sex. Ultimately, I'm all about what nature gave us. Mouths, skin, hands, genitals, the whole works. However, I'm also all about using the good stuff technology gifts us with, and more times than not, it's easy to miss that certain "toys" can offer us a whole lot more than merely play, fun and physical pleasure. I'm not being facetious when I suggest that I think everyone needs a strap-on, nor that I think if that were to happen, we'd likely see some fairly sweeping socio-sexual changes, in fact, I think we already have. And you know, it's none too hard to strap-on and get behind a revolution that's packing what this one does. |
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| Goodies at Babeland for Strap-on Heaven The Corset harness is lingerie with a serious purpose. Gorgeous in black or purple and a femme-fabulous lace up back with garter hooks hidden beneath, it's also a fully functional harness, vegan-friendly and strong enough for some serious action. The Bionic harness is my personal favorite. Also animal-friendly in sparkly, shiny PVC, it's missing those golden armbands, but even without, you can still schtup like a superhero in this puppy. Want a little variation? I adore the Thigh One On, which makes for a truly lusty ride, and as I've mentioned before, apparently looks pretty damned fantastic from the audience. And guess what? There's a new men's harness out and about, too. See, I'm not the only one who thinks of this stuff. My favorite dildos? Easy. Get your hands on anything from Vixen Creations or Tantus. Vixen favorites of mine are the Willow (slimmer than average, and with a curve that's great for anal play), and the Treasure Chest , which can also hold a pearl vibe in the base for that little something extra. The Tantus-made Echo, with an enclosed bitty vibrator that fits snugly in the base, may be one of my favorite dildos of all time, and I've yet to find an...erm... customer who left unsatisfied after we've played with her intense ridges. Want a more realistic cock than the above? The gals at Babeland have plenty to offer. Feeling overwhelmed? Start with the Flame Kit , the Strap-On Seduction kit, or the Bend Over Beginner kit. What other treasures have I found in my treasure box lately? The Devilette Kit: For lovers of all things red and scarlet, this kit packs a bevy of evening fun, including a satiny red blindfold, a red slimline vibe, a set of dirty dice for those wanting a little extra spontaneous inspiration, an animal-friendly mini-whip that has a nice snappy sting, and my favorite item in the kit, a waterproof sterling vibe, with a nice strong vibration which you can leave on for continuous buzz or pulse at whatever intervals you like by tapping the power button with your fingers as you please. Satan loves you, you little devil. The Thunder Cat : This girl has got a great head on her shoulders. For real -- the head on this dual-action vibe is gloriously thick, with tumbling pearls at the base, and a clit-stimulating buddy on the side. For those who dig the bells and whistles, the base of this baby lights up when you power her up, just like you. |
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12.07.06: Scarlet Letters -- in case it isn't glaringly obvious -- is currently
on an extended hiatus. The web has changed, we've changed, and
we're trying to figure out how we both fit together now, which isn't a process we want to rush. If you're looking for more current SL-related content, you can
have check out upcoming books from editor Heather Corinna and previous co-editor Hanne Blank, check out Heather's current sexuality sites, or explore sites through the femmerotic network. We hope to be back with you soon, as fresh, challenging and
unexpected as ever.
In the meantime, by all means, enjoy our years of past content,
all of which still remain in the public and subscription areas.
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